Self-dependency: the most misunderstood culprit

An atheist always says that there is no god, but when he gets into the worst situation, the only thing that comes to his/her mind is the god. I might be not correct but this is a general case. Being Atheist doesn’t mean, dishonouring the belief of other people or the god itself. But unfortunately, this term is always misunderstood. In the same way, the concept of Self-dependency is also getting into the mind of society in the wrong way. Here is one story, I would love to share with you-

I met a girl in the metro. She came and sit beside me. I will skip the things about her appearance but she was an extrovert. It was a long route so I was reading a book “Dollar Bahu by Sudha Murthy”. I notice that girl staring at me while I was reading the book. It was very distracting so after some patience, I finally asked about the reason behind her action. She told me that she is a big fan of Sudha Murthy and she is also a self-dependent young lady. I appreciated her and continued my reading. She further added,” You know it is very hard to grow in Indian society, they always force you to stop. It is always like you are a burden on your family.”

I closed my book to listen to her carefully.

“You know I always wanted to become an entrepreneur, starting my startup but my parents never supported me. When I asked them for money for starting the business, they told me to focus on my studies. Am I a child now?”

It was a very ironical statement, first, she told herself a self-dependent lady but now she was angry at her parents because they didn’t give her the money.

“I never wanted to give my parents, any of the stress about me so I decided to leave the house and live in the outer world, self dependently. They were angry at that too. At first, they even denied to give me my pocket money too. I don’t understand why they don’t leave me on my own. I also like to party and to enjoy life, like other self-dependent girls. But they always stop me like a devil. If I would become nothing, they will be the reason.”

I asked her about her studies, she replied,” If my parents would have given me more money, I would have gone to some renowned university.”

I stopped myself getting into the nonsense.

This is a story of a fake self-dependent lady. In India, most of the so-called self-dependent girls are having the same story.

The first thing to understand, people can not become self-dependent in their teenage. I have seen many teenagers, talking about leaving the house and to live on their own. They don’t even know the world works. Simply, after watching some movie they get motivated but they ignore the circumstances and the age of the actor.

The word self-dependency is not about leaving your family and getting on your feet only. That is more of running from responsibilities. This word refers to a concept, which makes you a decision-maker and makes you think about society, family and your friends. In the above story, that girl said that she didn’t want to stress her parents out but she did the same by asking meaningless things.

In positive psychology, self-reliance has strong theoretical significance thanks to its implications for happiness. You’ll probably notice some overlap, or at least potential implications for self-worth, self-expression, self-knowledge, resilience, and self-acceptance.

So, it’s not about doing everything yourself. It’s not about being financially independent, either. And it’s certainly not about shouldering every hardship you face all on your lonesome.

3 Examples of Self-Reliance

Many things can be construed from my writings. Here are a few examples of some key concepts that shine through in his seminal essay, Self-Reliance.

• Thinking Independently

The ability to think autonomously goes hand in hand with trusting your instinct. Lots of my work centred on how people tend to ‘hide behind’ what they’ve learned from society, or significant others within society. I believed this was a mere imitation and was linked with a lack of confidence in one’s intuition and rational capabilities.

If you (or I, or anyone) believe in something, and consider that it holds merit after thinking it through, there should be nothing holding us back from voicing it with confidence.

• Embracing Your Individuality

knowing the real worth of self is itself an example of self-dependency. People usually forget their value due to outer force or blind sheep.

• Striving Towards Your Own Goals, Bravely